Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
