he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I forget how to act sober
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
