so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
