Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize