ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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