Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize