After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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