I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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