Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
