We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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