My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
