wanna go halves on a baby?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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