I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
