omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
