saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just threw up on my dentist
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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