Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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