If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
