11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
