You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
