what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
