conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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