Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You ever have a fart follow you around?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
