OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
