Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize