just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
