watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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