You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
