Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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