I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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