So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
