She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
