I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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