Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize