Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
