Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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