Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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