Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
