I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
