I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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