my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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