I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
