I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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