I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
