It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
