ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
organizing the empties. That sober.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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