we have pet lesbian snakes
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
