I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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