If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
