3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
