apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
