Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
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