I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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