Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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