Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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