I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
