My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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