I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
