i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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