We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
we're so committed to being not committed
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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