I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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