you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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