he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Pooping to opera.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
