I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
