sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
