Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
