I wish my penis had an off switch
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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