So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize