I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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