Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
