I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just pynch a tree in the face
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
