his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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