I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize