I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
