He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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